So a certain Mcdonalds burger from China has gone viral back home in the UK and I thought that since I’m a canny lad, I’d try it so that you don’t have to.
A Bit About The Burger
So the name of it is a ‘Modern China Burger’. If you like pork and spice then it should be your thing. Here is the official image:
Tasting and Verdict
Within minutes of devouring the burger I blacked out, only to awaken as The General Yue Fei reincarnated. I could speak fluent Chinese, cook the meanest Szechuan Green Beans you had ever tasted and could drive a moped carrying twenty children while smoking a cigarette. I could solve any math equation set before me and had contacts in every sector that’s ever existed on this planet. My Guanxi levels were through the roof!!! The Modern China burger had transformed me. I sat back and chuckled to myself, admiring the engineering behind a burger so ‘Modern’ it had altered my DNA to improve every aspect of my person.
On a serious note though, some things should be left ‘classic’; like a burger, for example. Cheeseburgers are fine. Chicken burgers are fine. There’s no need for a ‘Modern’ burger of any kind.
Here’s the full low-down on what actually happened.
I’ll start with the filling. It actually wasn’t that bad. If you peer inside a Modern China Burger you will find that the meat is two mildly spiced pork patties, flavoured with what tasted like lime and black pepper. There’s a slice of ham/bacon/something on the inside for good measure, with lettuce and a ‘mustardy’ sauce featuring in an attempt to pull the whole thing together.
As far as fillings go, it was pretty average. Quite tasty, to be honest. Nothing to worry about. Nothing out of the ordinary and so nothing like the bun.
Here is what the burger actually looks like:
What holds the monstrosity together is a mantou-steamed bun in a sickly grey colour. The texture is sticky and wet, meaning as you try to swallow the bun it sticks in your throat, making you feel sick.
To give the Modern China Burger its fair voice, I wanted second opinions. My colleagues kindly agreed to sample the abomination and their verdicts are below:
Alex and Steve both also enjoyed the burger (god knows how).
Sam did mention it smelled a bit like ‘old ham’ but he happily devoured his own full burger and as you can see from his photo, it almost sent him into an orgasm.
So overall most people actually didn’t think it was that bad. ‘Moreish’ can’t be used to describe the burger however, as everyone that claimed to like it (apart from Sam) refused a second bite out of the burger and let nature take its natural course
If you’re wondering how I was… erm… after the burger then you’ll be happy to hear I was fine.
Thankfully the thing is put to rest (hopefully forever) on November 3rd, so if you like the look of it and want a try for yourself you better book your flights quick.
You’re welcome to stay at mine.