AlexChefHouse: Giving Thanks, Diced Bacon and Food Poisoning

AlexChefHouse: Giving Thanks, Diced Bacon and Food Poisoning

Ni Hao,

Apologies it’s taken so long to upload another addition to my world acclaimed AlexChefHouse China Food Blog. A few fans mentioned it had been a while since I had done one (my mam counts as a fan, right?) so here it is.

Today I’ll talk a bit about everything, so I’ll get stuck in faster than the first tackle at Killy vs Longbenton football in High School.

1) Pudding to Ice Cream ratios

In almost every restaurant in the UK I find myself with not enough ice cream to go with whichever dessert I have so whyyyyyy is it that I have came all the way to f*cking China to finally get the serving of ice cream I expect, pay for and bloody deserve. I had a photo of the perfectly ratio’d desert on my phone however Circle Club Beijing decided to nick my Iphone from the pocket of my coat a few weeks back so I lost it.

The desert itself was a regular cup sized chocolate fondant with passion fruit and ice cream. The ice cream they served with it was almost the same size as the actual desert! What a treat. Admittedly I left some of the ice cream after I was done but surely this is better than desperately trying to ration a diminutive, shan ‘helping’. Aside from the fact the passion fruit was obtrusive and 100% unnecessary it was a brilliant dessert and gets a solid 9 from me.

2) Dice Your Bacon, Bretherin

Not all the time. Don’t kick off. I’m not trying to suggest you’re making your Saturday morning sarnie wrong or anything.

What I am saying is that any Chef that has ever cooked me a burger with bacon in (before Stuff’d of Beijing) has been doing it wrong!

So remember back to the last burger you had, it might go something like this: double 100% beef pattie cooked medium rare… cheese… BBQ/Burger sauce… bit of lettuce… what could make it better? Bacon of course!

So you order a burger with bacon in. You’re buzzing. You take the tomato out if the Chef has decided to soil your burger with a slice. You bite into the burger anndddd….. a huge slice of fatty bacon slithers out either onto your plate or into your mouth. Wherever it is, it’s not in your burger any more.

How to avoid this unnecessary disappointment? Dice your bacon, Chefs.

Stuff’d Burger featuring diced bacon.

Dicing the bacon means that you don’t suffer the huge undercooked slab of bacon making the great escape from your bait. It means all the little lovely tiny bacon pieces are perfectly crispy and tasty. It means in every mouthful you can enjoy equal measures of absolute bacon pleasure. It’s just better, right!

3) Thanksgiving Dinner!

That thing Americans do! Like on the episode of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air where all the women in the family argue over who’s stuffing is the best. Heard of it? Well I did it and it didn’t disappoint!

I’m not sure of the origins of Thanksgiving and won’t disrespect ‘Merica by condensing it into something like ‘saying cheers for stuff’ (or maybe I just did condense it there) so I’ll just stick to the fooooooood.

Apologies for all the photographs of any of the food but there were Chinese people there getting trigger happy as always and I was HUNGRY for the closest thing to my Mam’s Sunday Dinner I’ll have in 10 month so I took a quick photo, thought ‘that’ll do’ and ate.





There was everything I could have hoped for (minus pigs and blankets but howaaay I couldn’t have it all) like stuffing, turkey, carrots, cranberry sauce, mashed potato, broccoli etc etc etc. There was also some mashed sweet potato with a walnut crust which was unreal. The side I brought along was a classic ‘Vegetable salad’ consisting of broccoli, butter and salt. Not so much a vegetable salad I know but I thought if I said I’d do a Veg Salad it would give me the scope to do whatever I wanted and in the end I just didn’t have time to do anything other than broccoli!

The pudding was class as well as you can see by the photo! I’ve never been so full in my life as I was after eating a few plates full worth of Sunday Dinner and then loads of dessert! Literally had a food coma all day. Worth it though.

4) Food Poisoning

I wanted to leave food poisoning until last since… erm… you know… but the Chinglish examples I have won’t exactly be mouth watering so I mayswell talk about this now.

So, aye, China eventually caught up with me this weekend and gave me an absolute seeing to. A quite literal ‘seeing to’ actually as after 48 hours of ‘dealing’ with the aftermath of the poisoning its safe to say my arse feels like it’s done 48 hours with Graham Norton.

Bed bound for the full weekend and if it wasn’t for Jade bringing me supplies during the ordeal I don’t think I’d be here today to bring you these mediocre jokes so you’ve got her to blame for this! Campbells Mushroom soup, bread and Lurpak has sorted me right out today.


Ironically we think it was a pizza that did the poisoning and not some street food vendor/local restaurant that would usually have the finger pointed at them.

Aside from the fact it may or may not have been the pizza, the pizza itself was good. Check these out:


Those, my friends, are two 24″ pizzas! Lush

Voted the best pizza in Beijing for a couple of years running and I can see why. Huge, well priced and lush. They just maybe, possibly, could, give you food poisoning.

5) Chinglish

It will probably be a common theme through the year that I’ll finish each post my sharing some funny Chinglish examples I have seen. So… here are a few of the best in the last few weeks:

Explodes Fries the Peas

Bad Fish and Chips. At least they’re honest?

This one isn’t Chinglish but just strange. Sautéed Ox Penis with Shrimps at only £40 is an absolute steal.

So aye, cheers for reading again. I’ll be back with another update before Christmas.



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2 Responses to AlexChefHouse: Giving Thanks, Diced Bacon and Food Poisoning

  1. The Chef House December 11, 2015 at 3:56 pm #

    Another great blog Alex! got to say tho, that’s a pretty poor effort if everyone turned up with pizza, turkey, stuffing, roast potatoes, awesome puddings great desserts that made your mouth water and you turn up with BROCCOLI wtf! lol, your class you mate. i suppose the food poisoning was your punishment! Lol. i hope you tried the penis! look forward to your next blog. The Chef House.

  2. December 7, 2015 at 7:38 pm #

    keep eating!

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