Admit it, nachos are categorically the most bang average dish on the whole planet.
I’ve thought this way for a while and after venting to a friend I thought I’d write something short about it to see how many people agree without admitting it until now.
First of all I’d like to say that I’m not saying nachos are terrible as I’ve definitely ordered them before and I definitely will again. What I am saying is that they’re never THAT good.
There’s three main reasons I think that nachos are average, please observe:
1) People always recommend ‘the nachos’ when you are discussing a restaurant that serves nachos, even if the nachos in question are absolutely pony.
– You must have experienced this as many times as me? If you haven’t then beware of the following phrases:
“Oooooh you’re going to X? You MUST get the nachos”
“If you’re near X then you MUST go into X. They do AMAZING nachos”
“OMG the nachos were amazing”
Basically all of these phrases = the nachos are big and have some cheese on them and average shop bought salsa, sour cream and guacamole. If someone really won’t shut up about ‘the nachos’ then there’s a chance there’s some weakly spiced chilli con carne also made its way on there.
2) If you really love nachos that much then you can always make them better yourself at home. Warning, this takes a miniscule amount of effort.
– Fair enough I understand we’re all busy people and opening a pack of Doritos, grating some cheese on top, hoying it all in the grill for like what, 3-5 whole minutes, can really seem like too much sometimes. I probably shouldn’t go on to mention that you could even spend 30 minutes making an average chilli to make it better. I’m not going to say you can make AMAZING nachos at home, since the point of this article is that nachos are average, but you can definitely make better nachos than the nachos you easily pleased hoodlums ruin our evenings with by recommending them on the back of being AMAZING. If you are going to make them at home, however, don’t make your average nachos even more average by…
3) Putting them in a f****** bowl!
– If nachos weren’t struggling with being bang average as it is, why on earth would you stitch them up even further by cooking and plating them in a bowl!?
‘I know, what I’ll do is put my nachos in a bowl so that only the top 1/5 of them is covered in my average chilli, cheese, sour cream, salsa and guacamole, leaving the bottom 4/5s lovely and dry and tasteless’.
Whilst not being quite as bad, overloaded nachos also fall under this quarm as a similar effect is achieved by overstacking and isolating the nachos at the bottom of the pile. They’re both an absolute liberty.
So yeah, if you’re guilty of any of the above then what I suggest is to first make and enjoy your own perfect nachos at home, before admitting to yourself that they’re better than any you’ve had in a restaurant and climaxing with the realisation that nachos aren’t AMAZING at all.
God forbid if you’re still struggling to face the truth, the next time you find yourself touching whichever sexual organ you possess at the thought of AMAZING nachos, instead use that hand to beat yourself silly in the corner of the room that I hope you’ve already had the foresight to take yourself in to.